Charlie’s beauty regimen in the morning is often preceded by a delicious breakfast. This EST AM he’s eating white rice mixed with eggs over easy. The eggs have formed a creamy yolk mixture in the rice making it absolutely delicious. He’s also drinking left-over iced coffee which smells like the inside of the refrig. Later he’ll shave his chin pubes and coif his hair.
Sometimes Charlie sits alone at night and wishes he were “Black n’ Sassy”™
Charlie’s having black coffee and salt and pepper chips and reading the The New York Times at Grey Dog Cafe near his gym.
Charlie really likes reading the newspaper.
Happy now, Sasha Fierce? Your man’s in the White House. But you’re still not getting the Oscar® ™ © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Charlie is tired from watching 24 hours straight of High Def inaugural festivities of Obamapalooza. Hope fatigue. He’s getting excited though for 2012.
And Palin for VP. Don’t feed her after midnight!
Like most of you, Charlie just watched th
e swearing in of the nation’s 44th president, Barack H. Obama, and he is bursting with love for his adopted nation. This day is like a warm chocolate brownie smothered in marshmallow fluff, sauteed in duck fat with a delicious english farmer’s cheddar on top.
Happy Hope Day!
Charlie is too excited to sleep his body. His favorite President-elect, Barack Obama is getting sworn in tomorrow as head of our Republic. The pursuit for Change has finally come, and he can only think of food. He’s cooked up some sausage and peppers doused in worcester sauce and pinches of sel de mer. Stinkers!
Gross. At four or five this morning, Charlie sauteed up some Morningstar-brand tofurkey sausage and mushrooms in olive oil. CHARLIE IS DISGUSTING.
Since we got serious all of a sudden with the peanut butter advisory, why not run with it? It’s Martin Luther King Day (huzzah!), and Charlie got to wondering, what can I do special? Obama says give back, so Charlie’s thinking about collecting coats for the needy (drop off coats and blankets at 708-a Fulton Street in Fort Greene, and cakes and pies to Charlie’s mouth at the same address).
Otherwise, this website says to honor MLK Jr. by making one of his favorites, a southern pecan pie. That seems like a kind of pointless way to celebrate Civil Rights, but a very great strategy for getting diabetes, but who is Charlie to judge? Get baking everybody!
Charlie made this 20-sided pecan pie for you. The least you could do would be to eat it.
Oh no baby kittens, Charlie’s kind of freaking out about yesterday’s announcement from the FDA and the CDC to avoid eating peanut butter products. Almost 500 people across the country have gotten sick, and 6 have died (!) from salmonella-tainted peanut butter and peanut paste.
The only thing funny he could find in the whole thing about the whole disastro was this news headline: “Peanut Butter Probe Expands …” Charlie tried a peanut butter probe when he was into “The Gay Joy of Gay Sex” but it was too hard to clean up.
Like this baby, Charlie wants to put peanut butter EVERYWHERE.
After brunchin it at Chez Tito, Charlie and his .net friends went to have some wine to discusss Wes Anderson films and TV on the Radio. He then had to feed his lubricated belly, so he trekked in the snow to Back Forty, a casual restaurant where he shared some onion rings and ate a grass fed burger blanketed with farmhouse cheddar– and a side of fries. He didn’t care much for the micro-brews. Some chick, Leanne’s review on yelp echoes his sentiments:
The staff was friendly yet unobtrusive, which I prefer… The onion rings were also divine (wait, did I just admit to eating those??).
Leanne needs to love herself more.
Leanne is only grass-fed. 2k9’s newest diet.
Charlie’s internet friend, princess blogspot invited him to a brunch at her LES apartment. It was jam packed with pretty white people, fancy fones, and of course scrumptious foodstuffs. Charlie brought bagels and smears and ate chicken taquitos, celery, semi-soft pedestrian cheeses, and some dips. His other internet friend, Lady Steeez made deelish mini-breakfast burrito kaboobs. He washed them down with a sparkling spritzer juice. The fabulous Tito was also there; Charlie tried to eat him, too!
Charlie’s watching last Thursday’s 30 Rock episode and we took the opportunity to conduct a 30 Rock-inspired interview.
CharlieTuEats.com: What meat would you eat first off the meat platter?
Charlie Tu: Roast beef.
CTE: Why roast beef?
CT: Because it’s a good starter.
CTE: Because it’s not intense?
CT: Yeah, it’s not intense.
Meat platter courtesy of Ronnie’s Pastrami.
So, Charlie’s at a photo shoot in his american apparel undies and is just thanking his lucky stars that all the hard work and coaching fees at Barbizon Modeling School have finally paid off. He’s a supermodel!!!!!
Charlie’s first photoshoot. Like his new tattoo?
Yesterday afternoon, Charlie took his new haircut out for a romantic snack of coffee and a reduced fat blueberry muffin. Then he took his hat home and filled it with man love. The End.
Like Charlie, Cookie Monster can’t get enough man goo.
Charlie just dry humped a pig, then carved it up and ate it. He’s at Fette Sau and he’s sharing a massive meat tray with his friends: ribs, pork belly, pulled pork, snoshages, brisket and baked beans. MEAT HEADACHE!!!
What did the exasperated Jewish pig say to the Butcher? “Oink vey”!
Charlie says he’s at a New School event drinking red wine out of cheap plastic cups but we know better. He’s actually feeling up a bronze statue of storied intellectual and New School Founder Hannah Arendt. The “wine” is just nail polish remover, and the plastic cups are actually hobo lips.
This is actually pretty disturbing.
Charlie Tu has an appetite for beef. And for lunch it sure has taken rare form: spicy grilled beef balls — Kowabunga! A Thai specialty known as Phuk Dats Goot. He’s having them with hot sauce and a Tom Yum Goong with shrimpies, mushroom, lime leaves and possibly lemon grass. He’s not sure cause his gourmet palette can only detect up to three flavors.
Charlie’s eating Thai food for lunch and haz a wonder: do they eat cats and dogs in Thailand? He did a little research and discovered that no, they don’t. Thai Buddhists actually think cat and dog eating is totally GRODY, because when you bite into little fried Gus or Kafka you could be biting into the soul of your great great grandma. Or Abraham Lincoln.
He did a bit more research and soon learned that asking if Thai people eat cats and dogs is RACIST. Accusing ethnic groups of eating different foods has long been used to paint minorities as untrustworthy or skeery or otherwise malifunctious. Check it check it, this one was written about grody German immigrants in the U.S.
THAT’S RACIST CHARLIE!
YOU’RE ALL RACIST!
After dinner, Charlie rounded out the evening with his new favorite show of all time, Whatever Martha!, which stars Martha Stewart’s actual drag queen, nihilist daughter (son?), Alexis, and her down-on-her-luck fag hag, Bitsy: they lounge around the studio watching old Martha Stewart episodes and kvetching about vaginal reconstruction, electro-shock (Martha’s had both) and IT’S. AMAZING. Seriously. Emmy nominations all around. Charlie’d even throw in a Golden Globe if it meant keeping this show on.
Tyralator: Click-oncé
