When Charlie was a little Eats he loved this cartoon of a weird Anime teddy marsupial. (It’s an AZN thing.) And it’s his birthday! Celebrate by clicking on the Google image to see how inspiring he was to Charlie.
Happy Birthday, Lil Guy!
Werk it DoraeAZN!
[Doraeman]
As seen in Hong Kong and coming to a location on Charlie Tu’s body soon. (His lightning bolt tats are so 1997.)
[Flickr]
Qu’est-ce que c’est Dick Chicken?
Charlie Tu lives for coffee. Drinking a cup is a daily ritual to jump start his day. But this morning afternoon he discovered that what he thought was a fresh cup of Joe was actually a decaf coffee, which is simply dirty water and useless. FUCK! He needs his caffeine and now he’s pissed. How can he navigate the social landscape of the city without it? How can he update his status and tweet with gusto? How can he go to gym!!? Someone will pay and it ain’t Charlie. (Lend him 2 bucks.)
These bitches are no fun without caffeine. STOP LAUGHING!
Although today is a sad sad day, that doesn’t mean that neither Charlie Tu nor President Barack Obama has lost his appetite. Charlie is at a Desk for lunch while the President is at Teddy Kennedy island on vacation with his family. For lunch, he and his family are dining on a slew of dishes from Nancy’s, a downtown Oak Bluffs restaurant. It’s worth noting because it screams working-class greasy and why not. Charlie love love loves seafood. And boy did the Obamas pig the fuck out.
Six paper bags of food, which included: nine orders of fried shrimp; two orders of fried calamari; two orders of fried scallops; one order of clam strips; two sides of cole slaw and six orders of French fries.
What? No KFC Double Down Chicken Sandwich, too, sheesh, stressed out much?
Before he was abducted by Alienz to District 9, Charlie Tu left us a 
snap shot of a celebratory dinner he had with a friend: Beware eating local and organic in pitch-dark backyards in Brooklyn, people. It screamsTake me to your people.
What may you ask was the occasion? Why, Charlie Tu got a new job! And it doesn’t even involve nudity, stripping, or a noodle cart, but wait for it a Desk ! His ghey friend was so shocked that he was inspired to stuff Charlie Tu’s face. He made him a BBQ burger with handmade spring rice and a watermelon feta salad, served with margs and a dark red wine from Spain. Too bad the aliens flushed it all out of him during the probe. Skinny! Thankfully Charlie is back to mother Earth and now needs to be fed more than ever.
HIS NAME IS KAFKA aka Captain Snout. And Charlie may just love him more than food itself: Do you hear that Thomas Keller!! Just Clicky click the link during your lunch hour when you feel bloated from sadness and need some smiles.
[Kafka]
Since Charlie Tu lives in a thin and fabulous state, he is force-fed organic healthy stuff and faux greasy food. But not the real America!! aka the fat states of the South and outward. To the rescue comes KFC and its new sandwich sold solely to them (which oddly enough is not found on its website ): Two patties of fried chicken as the bread, two slices of cheese, two slices of bacon, and another fried chicken patty, just for fun. And you can even get a combo! If life were this delicious in New York, Charlie wouldn’t need health care. He’d die of deliciousness before he finished just one.
Oh. Wow. Good Morning WTF. Charlie had to have several drinks to figure this one out. And it seems that so did Kelly Choi to do this photoshoot (?) for an upcoming book. Here is what we know about Kelly Choi: she ain’t no Padma Lakshmi with her uncharismatic hosting skills on teevee’s Top Chef Master’s, AND she needs to hire a new talent agent, manager, life coach, whatever, cause this is one big awful mistake –which Charlie has lost his appetite over. (Okay maybe he’ll just skip lunch.)
[NY Post]
Charlie has attended numerous BBQs these past summer weeks and needs to retire his tired tank top look. (They all have mustard stains.) He is what he eats. Please purchase this for him, Lady GaGa.
He’s letting go for once.
Wha the fruck? Not since McDonald’s took beef juice out of its fries has Charlie been so incensed by science and its studies. Behold a rendering of the Asia Man: He is gentalia free and mates with his limp crotch hump. This is appalling, and an exaggeration of a nasty stereotype spread around the gay community about AZN men and their man hammers.
MAJOR FAIL.
Whoops! Charlie made the painful mistake of frying eggs only in his underwear. Pants on, then fry, ladies.
Burn, Sizzle, Splat … Whoops
We here at Charlie Tu Eats are glad it’s getting hot and humid. Go and have yourself an ice cold treat!
Recently science people have said organic isn’t any better than industrial food stuff, but we feel it is (poo on your well researched myths). Especially this morning when Charlie Tu awoke to an organic roast, which he made last night and kept in the fridge. SO MUCH BETTER. Sometimes he does make good decisions. This one may even get him to put on his pants before noon! (unlikely.)
Oh HONEY, If it’s not wet and sloppy, it’s not a real kiss.
Charlie is rethinking his HOT miso soup strategy on this very HOT DAY. Cold Ramen surge?
is now Charlie’s new frenemy. AZNs aren’t meant to be vegans. It betrays the dragon blood that flows within their bodies.
Oh boy! If we had a dime for every time Charlie wished for his meals to be on a stick, we could fund a Charlie Tu Eats fast food joint. Here are some of his favorites from around the world.
French Fried Encased Hot Dog: Charlie can’t directly touch phallic meat and needs to improvise often.
Butt Pop: Charlie will only rim this.
Deep Fried Mashed Potatoes: Is it Thanksgiving yet. Dee-rish!
This may be referring to his skinny pills (?) He actually ingested a delectable vegetarian meatloaf consisting of Worcester Sauce, cheddar cheese, “vegetables” and veggie ground beef–no eggs it makes it too runny. Charlie smothered it in mozzarella cheese and some marinara sauce, too and washed it down with glasses of vino rosso. He then had a Botticelli inspired poop. Viva la Cacca! The scent is sweet.
Tyralator: Click-oncé
